Inspired Options are actively seeking UK Nurses with existing Australian Nursing Board registration
Forum Home [JFN Home] Forum Home > Open Nursing Forums > Nursing Humour
  New Posts New Posts RSS Feed - First joke of the day
  FAQ FAQ  Forum Search   Events   Register Register  Login Login

First joke of the day

 Post Reply Post Reply Page  12>
Author
Message
Geoff View Drop Down
Newbie
Newbie


Joined: 08 Dec 2007
Status: Offline
Points: 4
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Geoff Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Topic: First joke of the day
    Posted: 08 Dec 2007 at 14:40

Two older gentlemen with a tendency for forgetfullness were enjoying a sunny day on Brighton beach (must have been last year!)

Bill says to Fred "What a great day. I know what would cap it off."

"What?" said Fred

"Vanilla icecream, a nice crisp cone and strawberry sauce." Said Bill.

"That sounds great," said Fred.
 
"OK," said Bill, getting up. "I'll get you one too."
 
As he was heading off Fred said. "Hang on a minute Bill"
 
"What?" Said Bill.
 
"You know, your memories not what it was..."
 
"No problem!" Said Bill. "Vanilla icecream, a nice crisp cone and strawberry sauce," and off he went.
 
45 minutes later he came back with two meat pasties.
 
"I told you you'd forget," said Fred.
 
"Where's me chips?!!!"Wink
Back to Top
garsideamy12 View Drop Down
Groupie
Groupie


Joined: 12 Jul 2013
Status: Offline
Points: 49
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote garsideamy12 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 12 Sep 2013 at 13:41
3 Nurses and a Wish

A nursing assistant, floor nurse, and charge nurse from a small nursing home were taking a lunch break in the break room. In walks a lady dressed in silk scarfs and wearing large polished stoned jewlery.

"I am 'Gina the Great'," stated the lady. "I am so pleased with the way you have taken care of my aunt that I will now grant the next three wishes!" With a wave of her hand and a puff of smoke, the room was filled with flowers, fruit and bottles of drink, proving that she did have the power to grant wishes before any of the nurses could think otherwise.

The nurses quickly aurgued among themselves as to which one would ask for the first wish. Speaking up, the nursing assistant wished first. "I wish I were on a tropical island beach, with single, well-built men feeding me fruit and tending to my every need." With a puff of smoke, the nursing assistant was gone.
The floor nurse went next."I wish I were rich and retired and spending my days in my own warm cabin at a ski resort with well groomed men feeding me coccoa and doughnuts." With a puff of smoke, she too was gone.

"Now, what is the last wish?" asked the lady.

The charge nurse said," I want those two back on the floor at the end of the lunch break."

Back to Top
garsideamy12 View Drop Down
Groupie
Groupie


Joined: 12 Jul 2013
Status: Offline
Points: 49
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote garsideamy12 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 16 Sep 2013 at 08:31

A nurse caring for a man from Kentucky asked, “So how’s your breakfast this morning?”

“It’s very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can’t seem to get used to the taste,” the patient replied.

The nurse asked to see the jelly and the man produced a foil packet labeled “KY Jelly.”

Back to Top
garsideamy12 View Drop Down
Groupie
Groupie


Joined: 12 Jul 2013
Status: Offline
Points: 49
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote garsideamy12 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 24 Sep 2013 at 13:45
What’s the difference between Mother Teresa and a nurse? Mother Teresa only has to serve one God.
—Cami Arnold Miller
Back to Top
garsideamy12 View Drop Down
Groupie
Groupie


Joined: 12 Jul 2013
Status: Offline
Points: 49
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote garsideamy12 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 26 Sep 2013 at 08:17

The nurse brought a lunch tray to Norman Cousins, who was in a hospital “laughing his way to wellness.” The nurse also brought Mr. Cousins one of those glasses used for urine specimens, saying that when convenient,he should put a specimen in the glass and she’dpick it up when she came back to pick up the tray. Mr. Cousins, seeing some apple juice on the tray, put two and two together, and poured the juice in the specimen glass. The nurse came back and picked up the specimen, held it up to the light and said, “Mr. Cousins, this looks a little off. The color doesn’t seem quite right. Are you feeling okay?” Mr. Cousins reached out his hand for the glass and said, “Here, let me look.”

After looking at it, he said, “Okay, I’ll run it through again,” then drank it. The nurse fainted.
—Casey Cook

Back to Top
garsideamy12 View Drop Down
Groupie
Groupie


Joined: 12 Jul 2013
Status: Offline
Points: 49
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote garsideamy12 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 27 Sep 2013 at 07:36
What’s the difference between a psych nurse and the patient? The nurse has the key!


Edited by JFN Admin - 10 Oct 2013 at 14:56
Back to Top
garsideamy12 View Drop Down
Groupie
Groupie


Joined: 12 Jul 2013
Status: Offline
Points: 49
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote garsideamy12 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 28 Sep 2013 at 10:26

 Hospital regulations require a wheelchair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he didn’t need my help to leave the hospital.

After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator. On the way down, I asked him if his wife was meeting him.

“I don’t know,” he said. “She’s still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.”
—jokesaboutnurses.com

Back to Top
garsideamy12 View Drop Down
Groupie
Groupie


Joined: 12 Jul 2013
Status: Offline
Points: 49
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote garsideamy12 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 30 Sep 2013 at 07:05
A Graduate Nurse can hear a beeping I-med at 50 yards. 
An experienced nurse can't hear any alarms at any distance.
Back to Top
garsideamy12 View Drop Down
Groupie
Groupie


Joined: 12 Jul 2013
Status: Offline
Points: 49
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote garsideamy12 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 01 Oct 2013 at 09:56
Doctor, doctor, I snore so loudly I keep myself awake.’ ‘Have you tried sleeping in another room?’
Back to Top
garsideamy12 View Drop Down
Groupie
Groupie


Joined: 12 Jul 2013
Status: Offline
Points: 49
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote garsideamy12 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 02 Oct 2013 at 07:23
A man was wheeling himself frantically down the hall of the hospital in his wheelchair just before his operation. A nurse stopped him and asked, “What’s the matter?”
He said, “I heard the OR nurse say, ‘It’s a very simple operation, don’t worry, I’m sure it will be all right.’”
“She was just trying to comfort you, what’s so frightening about that?”
“She wasn’t talking to me. She was talking to the surgeon!”


Edited by JFN Admin - 10 Oct 2013 at 14:57
Back to Top
 Post Reply Post Reply Page  12>
  Share Topic   

Forum Jump Forum Permissions View Drop Down



This page was generated in 0.094 seconds.