Inspired Options are actively seeking UK Nurses with existing Australian Nursing Board registration
Forum Home [JFN Home] Forum Home > Open Nursing Forums > Nursing Humour
  New Posts New Posts RSS Feed - Nurse Hell, Bedside Nursing Jokes, Nurse Humor
  FAQ FAQ  Forum Search   Events   Register Register  Login Login

Nurse Hell, Bedside Nursing Jokes, Nurse Humor

 Post Reply Post Reply
Author
Message
Silent View Drop Down
Newbie
Newbie
Avatar

Joined: 14 May 2009
Location: kingdom of Rose
Status: Offline
Points: 7
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Silent Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Topic: Nurse Hell, Bedside Nursing Jokes, Nurse Humor
    Posted: 14 May 2009 at 07:49
A doctor dies and goes to hell.

The devil greets him and tells him that since he was doctor, and did
some good that he could choose his eternity.

The devil opens the first door, there are doctors hanging from their
ankles being whipped by demons.

"Oh my God, I don't want that", the doctor replies.

The devil opens a second door to reveal doctors on fire being chased
by huge beasts.

"That one is even worse!" says the doctor, getting more nervous.

The devil opens a third door to reveal doctors in lounge chairs being
served tropical drinks by gorgeous, scantily clad nurses.

"Sign me up for that eternity!" the doctor states.

The devil then slams that door and says, "You can't go there, you weren't
supposed to see that."

The doctor states why can't I go there?

The devil replies, "Well.... that's nurse hell."
 
 
LOLLOL
Nurse make a Difference
Back to Top
paige.gersten View Drop Down
Newbie
Newbie


Joined: 14 Dec 2010
Status: Offline
Points: 5
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote paige.gersten Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 03 Jan 2011 at 08:43

The Elderly Gentleman


Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital.

After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator. On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him.

"I don't know," he said. "She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown."LOL

A fashionista behind a nursing uniform
Back to Top
NurseBron View Drop Down
Newbie
Newbie


Joined: 29 Sep 2011
Status: Offline
Points: 1
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote NurseBron Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 29 Sep 2011 at 15:25
bahahaha that's excellent! we've all had moments like that. LOL
Back to Top
crazy cat lady View Drop Down
Newbie
Newbie


Joined: 30 Aug 2012
Status: Offline
Points: 5
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote crazy cat lady Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 31 Aug 2012 at 00:06
As a student nurse working a night shift it was the middle of the night and i was quietly checking all the patients in a dark bay an elderly lady whispered "can I have the bedpan dear?" I returned a few minutes later closed her curtains & switched her bed lamp on & proceded to pull down her knickers to place her on the bedpan. The lady looked at me half asleep & said am I alright? I then realised that I had the wrong lady & promply pulled her knickers back up apologised & shut the light off!!!
Back to Top
garsideamy12 View Drop Down
Groupie
Groupie


Joined: 12 Jul 2013
Status: Offline
Points: 49
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote garsideamy12 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 12 Sep 2013 at 13:38
Top ten reasons to become a nurse:
  • Pays better then fast food, though the hours aren't as good.
  • Fashionable shoes and sexy white uniforms.
  • Needles: "Tis better to give then receive"
  • Reassure your patients that all bleeding stops...eventually.
  • Expose yourself to rare, exciting and new diseases.
  • Interesting aromas.
  • Courteous and infallible doctors who always leave clear orders in perfectly legible handwriting.
  • Do enough charting to navigate around the world.
  • Celebrate all the holidays with your friends- at work.
  • Take comfort that most of your patients survive no matter what you do to them.
Back to Top
garsideamy12 View Drop Down
Groupie
Groupie


Joined: 12 Jul 2013
Status: Offline
Points: 49
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote garsideamy12 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 16 Sep 2013 at 08:27

It’s hard to live with a nurse because…

  • When you forget to flush the toilet, you get a complete analysis with a plan on how to correct any noted problems.
  • Thanksgiving dinner comes in pre-cut small pieces because he doesn’t want to have to perform the Heimlich maneuver and be reminded of work on the only holiday he’s had off in years.
  • You’ve been awakened from a dead sleep in the middle of the night to find her shaking you because your breathing patterns were a little too close to a Cheyne-Stokes rhythm.


Edited by JFN Admin - 10 Oct 2013 at 15:07
Back to Top
garsideamy12 View Drop Down
Groupie
Groupie


Joined: 12 Jul 2013
Status: Offline
Points: 49
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote garsideamy12 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 24 Sep 2013 at 13:44

On a busy med-surg floor, the doctor stopped to brief me on a patient’s condition: “This patient is a fellow physician and my favorite golf partner. His injury is serious and I fear he will not be able to play golf again unless you follow my orders exactly.”

The doctor then began listing orders: “You must give an injection in a different location every 20 minutes, followed by a second injection exactly five minutes after the first. He must take two pills at exactly every hour, followed by one pill every 15 minutes for eight hours. He must drink no more and no less than 10 ounces of water every 25 minutes and must void between. Soak his arm in warm water for 15 minutes, then place ice for 10 minutes and repeat over and over for the rest of the day. Give range of motion every 30 minutes. He requires a back rub and foot rub every hour. Feed him something tasty every hour. Be cheerful and do whatever he asks at all times. Chart his condition and vital signs every 20 minutes. You must do these things exactly as I ordered or his injury will not heal properly, and he will not able to play golf well.”

The doctor left and I entered the patient’s room. I was greeted by anxious family members and an equally anxious patient. All quickly asked what the doctor had said about the patient. I stated, “The doctor said that you will live.” Then quickly reviewing the orders, I added, “But you will have to learn a new sport.”



Edited by JFN Admin - 10 Oct 2013 at 15:08
Back to Top
garsideamy12 View Drop Down
Groupie
Groupie


Joined: 12 Jul 2013
Status: Offline
Points: 49
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote garsideamy12 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 26 Sep 2013 at 08:15
A hospital posted a notice in the nurses’ lounge that said: “Remember, the first five minutes of a human being’s life are the most dangerous.” Underneath, a nurse had written: “The last five are pretty risky, too.”


Edited by JFN Admin - 10 Oct 2013 at 15:08
Back to Top
 Post Reply Post Reply
  Share Topic   

Forum Jump Forum Permissions View Drop Down



This page was generated in 0.109 seconds.